


Simple Difficulties

by sokki09



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Canon Compliant, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Kissing, Mutual Pining, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Romance, The Force Ships It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2018-02-11
Packaged: 2019-03-17 00:46:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13647891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sokki09/pseuds/sokki09
Summary: The simplest things make everything so much more difficult.orRey and Kylo deal with feelings.





	Simple Difficulties

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ignitesthestars](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ignitesthestars/gifts).



This was not what he expected.

 

The lush couches, the wide curved windows, and the balcony looking out across Coruscant's nightlife. The room had a lingering sense of... something, that he couldn't quite place. It was on the tip of his tongue, just out of sight. 

 

The Supreme Leader sat, trying to make a sense of everything. 

 

All this life, he had imagined the love story of Anakin Skywalker and Padme Amidala. He had not imagined it had started here.

 

All he had were vague retellings of the story, nothing more than a few passing comments. Love had torn Anakin Skywalker apart, and it had turned him to the dark side. Love had heartbroken Padme Amidala, and it had been her demise. For all his life, Ben Solo wondered what that kind of love would be like; the tragic, catastrophic kind, that had the power to change the entire galaxy.

 

Kylo Ren now had a vague idea of what that kind of love felt like.

 

She was on the other side of the war, his enemy. He offered her everything, and yet she gave it all up, in the name of the Resistance, in the name of hope. Would she have chosen differently if it had been in the name of love?

 

He barely knew her, even he would freely admit that. But their connection crossed star systems, traversed the galaxy. He felt sometimes, like he knew her better than he knew even himself. 

 

He shook his head. He didn't feel love. He hadn't felt love in a long time. He had realized long ago that the love Anakin Skywalker held for Padme Amidala was rare, it was fleeting. He would never be so fortunate to have that.

 

He stood in the apartment for far too long; he wasn't even sure why. There was nothing he was particularly waiting for. Suddenly, the air stilled, and somehow the room grew even quieter than it had been before. Kylo had a vague feeling as if he were being sucked into a vortex, before he saw another figure. 

 

Anakin Skywalker stands at the doorway to the balcony, and Coruscant has transformed. It is now night, and the city world glistens with the light of the skyscrapers surrounding them. The Jedi Knight stares outside, to his loving wife. His eyes are filled with admiration, and Kylo cannot help but stare in awe at the simple, raw emotions covering the man's face.

 

Before he knows it, it is once again mid afternoon, and Kylo is back to reality. Never before had he seen his grandfather in anything other than old holovids of combat techniques and historical texts. In all the times that he had called out to Darth Vader, he always hoped to find guidance. 

 

Sure, he felt more sure of himself now, but this was bad, this was very bad.

 

He saw Anakin's emotions, the love, the desire, the affection. It was all so simple. He looked at Padme as if she was all he needed. This was true, he supposes; Anakin turned to the Dark Side of the Force to save her. 

 

Kylo was so caught up in his thoughts, as he stared out into the chaos of Coruscant, he barely felt the change in the Force when Rey appeared.

 

She was a few feet away, grasping the railing of the balcony, looking out at the city. She had that angry expression on her face, the one she always tried to wear when they connected. But her mouth parted and she looked as if she could see everything.

 

He felt himself swallow. He knew the bond had become stronger in the last few months, but for some reason, all he could ever see was her. Maybe he wasn't trying hard enough to see her surroundings. Maybe that was because he found himself not caring too much about anything other than seeing her. 

 

She finally broke the silence, "I've never seen a city like this before. Where are we?" She sounded breathless, still trying to process it all.

 

"Coruscant. I'm on Coruscant."

 

She looks mildly surprised at how blunt he is. He had never given away his location so openly. In the past few months, as they danced around each other, he had always hinted as to where he was, hoping she might come to him.

 

"Rey," he says, coming closer to her blurry presence, "Have you ever felt love?"

 

He knew he was being too open, too honest. It was a problem he had, but he didn't see it that way. All of the secrets that were kept from him, all the lies; it was important to him that he be honest.

 

Rey scared easily when it came to the truth, though. Her expression grows cloudy, confused, and her eyebrows knit together. 

 

"Why are you asking me this?" She questions.

 

"I haven't felt love in a long time." He says, "It's been a long time since my mother loved me, my father is dead, and no one else ever has given me affection."

 

"Your mother loves you, Ben--" Rey interrupts.

 

"No. She loves the memory of me. She loves the idea of what could've been. She does not have any love for  _ me _ in her heart." He states.

 

Rey says nothing, only continues to stare straight at him. He returns her gaze. 

 

"I haven't been close with many people in all my life," He continues, pausing to look out over the city before shifting his eyes back to her. "But this bond between us.... it changes things."

 

She is speechless, frozen in place. The wind from the city around them causes small locks of hair to fall from her buns, and she stands with her fists clenched.

 

"I feel something, when we connect, Rey."

 

"The Force." She tries to provide, her voice barely above a whisper.

 

"No. It's much more than that." He says, "It's love."

 

He waits for a reaction, waits for something to happen, but all he sees before him is a light blush on Rey's cheeks, before she vanishes from in front of him.

 

Once again, he is all alone in a room filled with too many memories, of love and of heartbreak.

 

\---

 

They do not see each other again until he is back aboard a Star Destroyer, surrounded by cold metal and cold hearts. He always felt more alone on these ships; somehow, knowing that there were thousands of men aboard these ships that drifted through the darkness of space simply reminded him that he wasn't on the ground, surrounded by familiar faces like he once was, years ago.

 

Rey shows up during a meal. In the darkness of space, Kylo Ren doesn't keep track of what meal it should be titled. It is always military rations that he eats, just like everyone else aboard.

 

She doesn’t say anything, and tries to continue her scrolling on a holopad, but Kylo can't help but notice how she glances over every once in while, before averting her gaze when she sees him watching.

 

"I would give it all up, you know." He says, and she finally meets his eyes. "I have the power to change everything. We could make the galaxy what we want it to be."

 

"You think I crave power?" She asks.

 

"No, I know you want so much more than that. You want to not be lonely, you want affection, you want to feel whole. You want a family."

 

"And I've found a family." She insists.

 

"Are they enough to fill the loneliness that plagues your heart?" 

 

"I'm not lonely!" Rey all but yells. 

 

She has tears in her eyes and she looks away as one escapes down her cheek. They both know she is lying.

 

"I could fill that hole in your heart, Rey, I want to." He says, "Our connection— it's given us a chance at happiness. It's given us each other. Don't you feel it?"

 

Rey shakes her head. "It's just not that simple."

 

"So you deny your feelings?"

 

"It's not that simple, Ben!" She shouts into her room, which is empty yet somehow overflowing with Ben. "I-It's not—"

 

She is quiet for a minute, unable to speak. Her datapad glows, forgotten on the table.

 

"I just, I can't. I can't figure this out, and it's driving me insane." She says finally. "You are the  _ enemy— _ "

 

"I don't have to be. You chose this."

 

She stands from her chair, “No, I didn't. I came to you, Ben, I chose then, to come to you. You knew my intentions all along, and yet you completely disregarded them. You tricked me, I thought you killed Snoke so this would all end, and then you took his spot, and I— I just can't do this. You chose to be the enemy."

 

"You chose to draw that blasted saber! All I wanted was to be with you!"

 

"On your terms! You wanted to turn me to the dark side. I can't do that. But you ignored what you didn't want to acknowledge." She says. "I know you've gone through heartbreak. You want your life on your own terms. But I need to live my life on my own terms, as well."

 

The connection cuts, and all she sees is a dark room, dimly lit by her datapad.

 

\---

 

They do not speak for weeks. She is off supporting the Resistance, which continues to grow by the day, and she does not care what happens to him. (Or at least she tries to pretend.) 

 

She knows Leia can see it, but Rey is pretty sure that Leia can see everything in the entire galaxy. The woman never blatantly confronts Rey about it, but there is something in the way she looks at Rey, as if she knows the entire story. 

 

As the Resistance grows, they establish new bases and new headquarters across the galaxy, disguised, but not as heavily shrouded in secret as they had once been. The First Order is having problems, and Rey tries not to give it much thought; the fact that the Supreme Leader is dismantling the military regime for  _ her _ .

 

She tries not to give it much thought, and continues to throw herself into her work for the beloved Resistance family. 

 

It does not keep her thoughts at bay as much as she had hoped.

 

\---

 

She sees him, one night. He is staring off into the distance, lost in thought. Ben doesn't notice her for a few minutes, and she simply stares at him, desperate to understand. She wants to understand it all; what is he thinking? What were they doing, dancing around each other for so long? Why couldn't it just be simple?

 

He finally sees her after a few moments, yet he is silent. They simply stand there, just two Force-sensitives, just two people, and she wonders if it can be like this forever.

 

She can feel the connection weakening, and her eyes grow desperate for a moment. 

 

He opens his mouth to speak, "One day, I hope we can find someplace like this." 

 

Just before he disappears, she sees his surroundings, sees all the waterfalls and grasslands, and sees the Palace that he stands in. 

 

In the musty air of the Falcon, Rey sighs. She holds onto the same hope, too.

 

\---

 

The door slid shut behind her as she wiped her sleeve across her tear-stained cheeks. The General had died of illness during the night, and Rey had spent every second next to her before she passed. 

 

It had been a simple sickness, but due to age and Leia's determination to continue on business as usual, the General had passed. But not before telling Rey two fleeting words.

 

"Tell him."

 

She passed immediately after, and Rey had broken down into tears until the morning sun of Yavin IV had reached the window. Now, she had to find Ben.

 

Of course, in all the times they had connected through the Force, it was completely unintentional (and typically came at bad timing), but the one times she needed the connection to spark, she couldn't.

 

Then, realization struck her.  _ Waterfalls and grasslands and a shining palace. _

 

The Naboo System.

 

A smile found its way onto her face, and she reminds herself to thank Ben for his hints the next time she sees him.

 

Which will only be in a few short hours. 

 

She finds the Falcon in a hanger all by itself, with Chewie nowhere to be found. She assumes he is with the rest of the Resistance, mourning the loss of their dear General. In a matter of minutes she is out on her way to Naboo.

 

Halfway there, she realized she didn't know a critical detail; where was he on Naboo? She supposed she would dock in the most populated spaceport and search from there. The connection always seemed to blossom when they were both on the same planet. She hoped he would come looking for her.

 

She was finishing shutting down systems in the cockpit when she felt him.

 

He was close.

 

She ran out of the cockpit, about to run down the ramp into the hanger when she saw him.

 

She halted, right at the top of the ramp, looking down at him, at the bottom. This was familiar. She gave him a weak smile, blinking back tears at the harsh memories.

 

He waits for her to descend down the incline. She takes his hand. He gives her a smile. She returns it.

 

"You were right." She says, "On Coruscant."

 

Ben raises an eyebrow.

 

"It's not just the Force." She says.

 

She embraces him, holding his cheek, feeling his arms wrap around her. Her lips brush his and she wonders how she has gone so long without kissing him before this. She feels whole, like this is what she has been missing for so long.

 

They break apart after a few moments, and they smile at each other.

 

Ben narrows his eyes, "How did you find me?" He says with a smirk, "I haven't told anyone I was here in case they realized what I've been doing."

 

"Your clever hints," She laughs, "And what exactly is it that you've been doing?" 

 

"I'm taking apart the First Order. Changing things. I won't be Supreme Leader once this is all over. Negotiations have been underway with the Resistance, and things are all starting to come together. The galaxy will finally be at peace."

 

Rey smiles up at him. Peace.  _ Balance _ . 

 

Things that she has strived to find for so long, finally within reach. She holds onto this moment, devoting it to her memory. She hopes she never forgets this feeling.

 

Peace. Balance. Hope. And love.


End file.
